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In an earlier blog (January 4, 2019), we talked about the danger of listening only to your manager when you start a new job. But how do you tell your manager you’re not planning to do exactly what she wants?

First, agree that changes are necessary, and suggest you do a listening tour to create buy-in. Assure her that you won’t take forever!

If she’s uneasy, suggest that since you’re new, a listening tour will help you learn about the people and the organization and build relationships and trust. Remind her that successful execution depends on stakeholders being part of creating the strategy.

When the listening tour is over, review your findings and ideas with your manager. Focus on areas where you both agree and make these the starting point for your change plan. Ask for her support selling the change to the organization. For example, announcements of changes could come from you jointly and/or she could attend meetings where you are discussing the changes.

Listening to all key stakeholders is essential to successfully entering a new leadership position. Be sure your manager fully understands this. Then work to get her buy in for the change strategy you develop and her engagement in its implementation. Taking these steps will help ease any initial or lingering concerns she might have when you didn’t jump in and do exactly what she wanted at the start!

Co-authored with Linda Keegan, lindakeeganconsulting@gmail.com

Often when I’m coaching, a manager will tell me something that would be very helpful for their direct report to know.  For example, how their communication style makes people want to avoid working with them.  Or how their inconsistent behavior makes it hard to delegate work to them.  But when I ask the manager if they’ve talked to the person, I rarely hear a resounding “yes!”  More often they reply “I think so.”  

I’ve become very curious about this uncertainty.  It could be they just can’t recall an exact conversation.  But my guess is, in many cases, there’s another reason:

They’ve had the conversation in their heads – or talked about the person with others – so many times, it feels like it’s already happened!

While we can all agree that people can’t change what they don’t know, it can be hard to deliver a tough message. And certainly some ways of saying things are more effective than others.  There is definitely skill involved, which can be taught and practiced. But there is also an “X” factor – COURAGE.  And managers who possess it are almost always the best managers.

Where does this courage come from?  It certainly might be part of their character, but I also think it’s built through experience…seeing how most people accept feedback and learn from it and that relationships are often stronger – not weaker – as a result of it.  Their desire to develop the people who work for them overrides any discomfort they might have around holding the discussion.  And their need for genuine connection helps push through any resistance.

So the next time you have something important to say, something that will help your direct report to succeed – yes prepare, of course get advice from people you trust, and then have the courage to say out loud what you’ve already said so many times inside your head!

(In my next blog entry, I’ll write more about the skills involved in giving feedback.)

As you go off for the Holidays, I’m guessing that some of you are feeling tired, very tired.  You might even describe yourself as “burned out.”  This burnout is often attributed to long days and long nights on the job, but I’m not sure it’s about quantity at all.  I think it’s about quality.

A manager recently shared this insight:  “I’ve been paying attention to myself and others I work with.  I’m quite confident that it is not hard work that burns people out.  It’s the feeling that their work is fruitless.”

If you agree with her (and I do), I hope you will take this to heart.  If you’re one of the exhausted ones, ask yourself why.  If it’s the work, not just the hours, then what needs to change to make all those hours worthwhile?

If you’re a manager and you’re hearing grumbling about burnout on your team, be honest.  Is it the hours or the work itself?  And what can you do to bring a sense of purpose and accomplishment to your organization?  

If you’re someone who’s work is hard, but for the most part, challenging and satisfying, all you’ll need is some sleep!  But if your colleagues are struggling, is there some way you can support them in thinking through and making changes that will help them keep going?  

But regardless of how you’re feeling as we approach 2011, I want to take this opportunity to thank all of you who’ve been reading my blog.  I’m grateful for your support, encouragement, and feedback.  I wish you all a Very Opposite-of-Burned-Out New Year!

Do I have your attention?  Yes?  Well, I hate to disappoint you, but “falling in love” is not the topic of this entry!  I chose the title since “getting attention” is the subject, and I want to share a cautionary tale about what one employee had to do to get it …

The employee, let’s call him Kevin, was a star performer.  His manager, we’ll call her Susan, subscribed to the theory that your best folks just want to be left alone.  At the start of the year, Susan worked with Kevin to set goals and priorities and then let him decide how to reach them, which Kevin appreciated.  Since Kevin was proactive about coming to her if he needed anything, Susan often cancelled their bi-weekly 1:1 meetings.  She thought her time would be better spent with some of his peers who were struggling.  She figured he knew how much she appreciated him (he’d just gotten a promotion) so she kept her positive feedback to a minimum.  Why embarrass him with too much praise?  She certainly didn’t want him to leave his current role so she avoided career development conversations.  

And Kevin kept on producing great work, although the pace had slowed a bit, and he wasn’t as “lively” as usual in meetings.  Susan didn’t want to de-motivate him by bringing it up.  Then one day Kevin showed up with a job offer from a competitor!  This was clearly his way of finally getting Susan’s attention … extreme, perhaps, uncommon, no.

Well, maybe “falling in love” is the topic of this entry after all … because when you fall in love, you praise your partner, you make time for them, you’re curious about what they want and what’s happening in their lives.  And when you don’t do these things, they find a way to get your attention … just like your employees will!    

So, in the New Year, make a resolution to pay attention to the people who work for you – all of them, and especially the ones you “love” the most!

(In my next blog entry, I’ll write about ways to learn how much and what kind of attention your direct reports need.)