Blaming the Boss

When I was at Apple, an Operations VP asked for my help in building his team.  The process involved interviewing his direct reports to get their opinion of his leadership.  While he certainly did some things well, for the most part they didn’t like how he was managing them or leading the team.  As a relatively new consultant, I was hooked.  Clearly this guy needed to be fixed!  And I was just the person to do it.  

As I was thinking about the project, I shared my concern for the team members’ plight with a more experienced colleague and asked for her ideas on how to change the VP.  She looked at me, smiled slowly, and asked “So, Sherri, where is your empathy for him?”  I was surprised and humbled.  Clearly, I’d missed this step!

What continues to surprise me is how quickly and easily we jump to “blame the boss.”  Yes, it can be justified, but it rarely leads to change.  A more powerful tool for changing your manager’s behavior and building a stronger relationship is empathy.  What are the forces at play in her world?  What pressures is she under?  Is there a way to help her and yourself at the same time?   At least, this approach will make the boss more likely to listen to you; at most, you might find solutions to problems that are bothering both of you.