What a Difference a Day Makes

The other day a manager opened up her laptop and asked me to read an email that upset her.  It was from someone with whom she’d had a recent conflict.  I read it and was puzzled.  I didn’t see what was upsetting in either the language or the request. After we talked it through, she agreed.  This was, unfortunately, after she had already sent an aggressive response.

She, of course, is not alone in her reaction or her response.  In a popular communication study Albert Mehrabian noted that words alone have significantly less impact (7%) than tonality and nonverbal behavior (38% and 55% respectively) in delivering our feelings and attitudes.

So since it’s almost impossible to read emotions in emails (emoticons really aren’t enough), we project our own feelings onto them and sometimes get it wrong.

How can you avoid this in the future?  One way is to follow “The 24-Hour Rule.”

Unless the building is burning or someone is hurt, wait 24 hours to respond to requests that feel charged and/or especially significant.  This works for almost everyone.  If you’ve got an over-sized sense of urgency or responsibility, it slows you down. It gives you a chance to consider what the sender might really be saying – not what it feels like at first glance – and what would be the most effective response. On the other hand, if you tend be cautious and analytical, it speeds you up (which can be good), but it still provides you with a “thinking buffer.”

In either case, it’s surprising what a difference a day makes – in your perspective, in your emotions, in your response – and usually for the better!