Power of Paraphrasing

Recently I observed an interaction between two team members. Let’s call them Sally and Matt. It was like watching a breakneck volley on the tennis court. Sally tossing out her observations, Matt lobbing back his objections. Sally saying the same thing another way, Matt zinging back his excuses. As I watched a few more rounds of this I wanted to scream STOP! BREATHE!

And knowing these folks, I felt this comment wouldn’t be well-received or even helpful. And, as I expected, eventually the pace slowed and things moved forward.

After the meeting I did my usual postmortem … in my head. How I could I have intervened in a way that was helpful and accepted? What is the equivalent to BREATHE? Of course, it’s PARAPHRASE. And that definitely would have been something I could have suggested.

We know paraphrasing has the benefit of ensuring understanding and signaling we’re listening. And it’s also the active listening equivalent of “breathe.” It allows a moment of reflection before the next round. And often it shortens the meeting. Taking a moment to replay what someone has said, so they know you’ve heard and understood them, can lessen the number of times they feel the need to repeat it. Paraphrasing is a win-win all around.