Earning Empathy

In a recent Communication Skills workshop, several participants questioned their capacity for empathy.  Were they capable of truly “walking in someone else’s shoes,” relating fully to the experiences and feelings of another?  After a lively discussion, they decided they didn’t need to have the exact same experience, but by taking small steps (e.g., listening without judgment, acknowledging the other person’s feelings), they could move in the right direction.  

This made me think about how we usually focus on our capacity to GIVE empathy, but as managers how do you GET your employee’s empathy?  And, in particular, how do you develop a relationship where you are understood and accepted even when you falter?

I began looking around for respected leaders who have this type of connection with their employees.

Robert, the CEO of a small software company came to mind. His self-confidence and considerable skills combined with transparency and vulnerability create a strong bond between him and his people.   

He never hides his missteps or the struggles he has had getting to the top.  He openly discusses the VC pitches that failed, the project launches that crashed, and he never hides a poor decision behind a wall of excuses.

His employees know they are being managed by a human being.  When he makes a mistake, they do what he does with them – they listen, show their genuine concern, do not blame, and get to the business of finding a solution.

His employees know he’s walked in their shoes, and they are able — and happy — to walk in his.