Sherri's Blog
Do I have your attention? Yes? Well, I hate to disappoint you, but “falling in love” is not the topic of this entry! I chose the title since “getting attention” is the subject, and I want to share a cautionary tale about what one employee had to do to get it …
The employee, let’s call him Kevin, was a star performer. His manager, we’ll call her Susan, subscribed to the theory that your best folks just want to be left alone. At the start of the year, Susan worked with Kevin to set goals and priorities and then let him decide how to reach them, which Kevin appreciated. Since Kevin was proactive about coming to her if he needed anything, Susan often cancelled their bi-weekly 1:1 meetings. She thought her time would be better spent with some of his peers who were struggling. She figured he knew how much she appreciated him (he’d just gotten a promotion) so she kept her positive feedback to a minimum. Why embarrass him with too much praise? She certainly didn’t want him to leave his current role so she avoided career development conversations.
And Kevin kept on producing great work, although the pace had slowed a bit, and he wasn’t as “lively” as usual in meetings. Susan didn’t want to de-motivate him by bringing it up. Then one day Kevin showed up with a job offer from a competitor! This was clearly his way of finally getting Susan’s attention … extreme, perhaps, uncommon, no.
Well, maybe “falling in love” is the topic of this entry after all … because when you fall in love, you praise your partner, you make time for them, you’re curious about what they want and what’s happening in their lives. And when you don’t do these things, they find a way to get your attention … just like your employees will!
So, in the New Year, make a resolution to pay attention to the people who work for you – all of them, and especially the ones you “love” the most!
(In my next blog entry, I’ll write about ways to learn how much and what kind of attention your direct reports need.)
As you go off for the Holidays, I’m guessing that some of you are feeling tired, very tired. You might even describe yourself as “burned out.” This burnout is often attributed to long days and long nights on the job, but I’m not sure it’s about quantity at all. I think it’s about quality.
A manager recently shared this insight: “I’ve been paying attention to myself and others I work with. I’m quite confident that it is not hard work that burns people out. It’s the feeling that their work is fruitless.”
If you agree with her (and I do), I hope you will take this to heart. If you’re one of the exhausted ones, ask yourself why. If it’s the work, not just the hours, then what needs to change to make all those hours worthwhile?
If you’re a manager and you’re hearing grumbling about burnout on your team, be honest. Is it the hours or the work itself? And what can you do to bring a sense of purpose and accomplishment to your organization?
If you’re someone who’s work is hard, but for the most part, challenging and satisfying, all you’ll need is some sleep! But if your colleagues are struggling, is there some way you can support them in thinking through and making changes that will help them keep going?
But regardless of how you’re feeling as we approach 2011, I want to take this opportunity to thank all of you who’ve been reading my blog. I’m grateful for your support, encouragement, and feedback. I wish you all a Very Opposite-of-Burned-Out New Year!
In my last entry, I promised to write about how to give constructive feedback at work. In preparation, I reviewed all the models, articles, and books I have on the subject. (And there are lots of them!)
Are there common themes? And do they match my experience? It turns out there are, and they do. So, with thanks to all who’ve written on this before me, here, presented in two checklists, is my take on giving feedback. Oh, please keep in mind that the suggestions are not for the “lunatic fringe,” but for folks you believe have a reasonable chance of success!
Pre-Feedback Checklist
Know your goal for the conversation. It is to develop the person, strengthen the relationship, prepare them for a “job change?” Beware if your goal is to prove a point or to be right.
Consider your mindset. Are you open to input – to other views on the current situation and to alternative solutions? Be clear what you’ve observed and want to change, but be willing to modify it in light of new information.
Be aware of your emotions. Heightened feelings can make your message harder to hear and to deliver. Calmer is better.
Think about how you will show your support without diluting the message that change is needed. You don’t need to lather on praise for what they are doing well. Reinforcing your belief in them is usually enough.
Feedback Conversation Checklist
Describe the situation clearly. Time, place, circumstances.
Describe the behavior. “Here’s what I saw and heard.”
Keep these descriptions focused and concise. Leave out your assumptions.
Clearly state the impact of the behavior. On you, the individual, the team and/or the organization.
Ask questions that check for understanding and agreement.
Engage the person in mutual problem solving. This is a dialogue.
Get and give commitment to change/next steps and to follow-up.
And, please, if I’ve missed one of your keys to success, I hope you’ll give me feedback!
Often when I’m coaching, a manager will tell me something that would be very helpful for their direct report to know. For example, how their communication style makes people want to avoid working with them. Or how their inconsistent behavior makes it hard to delegate work to them. But when I ask the manager if they’ve talked to the person, I rarely hear a resounding “yes!” More often they reply “I think so.”
I’ve become very curious about this uncertainty. It could be they just can’t recall an exact conversation. But my guess is, in many cases, there’s another reason:
They’ve had the conversation in their heads – or talked about the person with others – so many times, it feels like it’s already happened!
While we can all agree that people can’t change what they don’t know, it can be hard to deliver a tough message. And certainly some ways of saying things are more effective than others. There is definitely skill involved, which can be taught and practiced. But there is also an “X” factor – COURAGE. And managers who possess it are almost always the best managers.
Where does this courage come from? It certainly might be part of their character, but I also think it’s built through experience…seeing how most people accept feedback and learn from it and that relationships are often stronger – not weaker – as a result of it. Their desire to develop the people who work for them overrides any discomfort they might have around holding the discussion. And their need for genuine connection helps push through any resistance.
So the next time you have something important to say, something that will help your direct report to succeed – yes prepare, of course get advice from people you trust, and then have the courage to say out loud what you’ve already said so many times inside your head!
(In my next blog entry, I’ll write more about the skills involved in giving feedback.)
In the spirit of full disclosure, I’m not a sports fan. My attempts over the years to “talk sports” have always ended in failure. My most embarrassing moment came when I called the San Francisco football team the Giants. I knew that my new hometown had a team called the Giants, and my East Coat upbringing connected that name with football. Lame, but true.
But this entry is about the one thing I do know about sports – there are often goal posts. And managers would be well served to keep this image in mind when communicating.
Why is it helpful?
If you think about a conversation you’re about to have, especially a difficult one, it’s important to know what you want and what you do not want. These are your goal posts. They help you guide your conversation to its target result.
Here’s an example one of my Associates shared with me.
A Director went into his VP to tell her that the other directors at his level were getting paid more than he was. The VP asked, “What do you want?” The Director replied, “Well, I just wanted you to be aware of this.” The VP responded, “Okay, I am.”
You can imagine that the Director wanted a raise, confirmation of his worth, and/or an explanation of the disparity. And what he didn’t want was to been seen as a stating the obvious or as a complainer. But clearly his approach only got him this result.
If he’d taken the time to think about his “goal posts” before the conversation, it might have sounded like this.
“People talk in this organization. I’ve heard that my peers are getting paid more than I am. If this is true, I’d like to understand why. Money matters to me, I won’t lie, but figuring out what I need to do to improve matters just as much. Can we talk about this?”
Focusing on what you want and don’t want gets out valuable information, doesn’t waste time, and doesn’t squander good will. Keeping your goal posts in sight can help you – like all great athletes – be a winner.