Sherri's Blog
Recently I observed an interaction between two team members. Let’s call them Sally and Matt. It was like watching a breakneck volley on the tennis court. Sally tossing out her observations, Matt lobbing back his objections. Sally saying the same thing another way, Matt zinging back his excuses. As I watched a few more rounds of this I wanted to scream STOP! BREATHE!
And knowing these folks, I felt this comment wouldn’t be well-received or even helpful. And, as I expected, eventually the pace slowed and things moved forward.
After the meeting I did my usual postmortem … in my head. How I could I have intervened in a way that was helpful and accepted? What is the equivalent to BREATHE? Of course, it’s PARAPHRASE. And that definitely would have been something I could have suggested.
We know paraphrasing has the benefit of ensuring understanding and signaling we’re listening. And it’s also the active listening equivalent of “breathe.” It allows a moment of reflection before the next round. And often it shortens the meeting. Taking a moment to replay what someone has said, so they know you’ve heard and understood them, can lessen the number of times they feel the need to repeat it. Paraphrasing is a win-win all around.
One of our clients was hired as a high-level administrator to oversee the nursing staff at a local hospital. Her manager enticed her to the hospital from out-of-state, promising that she could make big changes in the way nurses interacted with patients and each other. The interviewing process was extremely thorough, and all agreed that my client was a highly qualified administrator and domain expert. Two months later it was obvious to everyone that the new administrator’s contract would not be renewed for the following year.
What happened? The manager painted an inspiring vision of what could be, but failed to tell the administrator that there were really no incentives for the nurses to change. Many of these nurses had been at the hospital for decades and had their own power base. This very same manager later put the new administrator on a performance plan and accused her of bullying the staff. In fact, all the administrator was doing was fulfilling what she thought was her promise to the manager to change tired old processes and procedures and improve the department.
There are many books and articles giving managers advice on how to assimilate into a new job. Good advice like take your time before making big changes, don’t underestimate the power of peers to help you succeed (or fail), don’t overestimate the importance of the technical part of the job, etc. However, none of these warn against a major trap – the wrong turns taken by simply following your own manager’s advice. While this advice is very important, it should not be the ultimate counsel. It is only one part of whole picture – one that needs be considered carefully, but also questioned thoughtfully and not followed blindly!
Co-authored with Linda Keegan (lindakeeganconsulting@gmail.com)
I knew a man who loved ties. He had over 100 of them. He was going to get married in a few months, and there were too many for his new home. The first thing he did was cull through them – keeping only the ones that were in good shape and in style. But, he still had a problem. He couldn’t go into a store without buying another one.
So, he and his fiancé devised a plan: For every new tie he bought, he’d give away one he had.
His process struck me as good time management technique for busy managers.
Step 1: Review all the meetings on your calendar for one month
Do you have to go? Could someone else attend? Would it be a development opportunity for them? Are the meetings themselves still required?
Step 2: Focus on standing meetings
Every time you add a new standing meeting, cancel another.
This forces you to make conscious choices about where to put your attention. Organizational Development? Strategy? Execution?
Beyond keeping your calendar “sane,” these two steps provide a clear signal to others in your organization what you value.
So much has been written about the surge of women running for office in 2018 … and winning! (I’ve appended some of the best below.) Nevertheless, I’m compelled to add my point of view and learning to the conversation.
As a member of the endorsement committee for a local women’s political organization, I felt – if I’m honest – some dread about spending all day listening to women talk about running for local offices, like school boards and city councils. Would the issues seem narrow compared to the big stories I read on my iPhone every morning?
Then one by one over 30 women sat in front of the committee and each in their own way enthralled us. First, the sheer number. More ran than ever before in our county. Then, the diversity. Age, race, ethnicity, life experience, work experience, political experience. Each was unique. Each told a different and powerful story about why they were running. I was riveted and found myself often near tears. In the end, 70% won their races.
Listening that day, training candidates, volunteering, I was reminded of these key points:
Diversity isn’t a nice-to-have, it’s a necessity. If only one experience is represented, our visions and results are severely limited. We can try, but we cannot truly know what will help most unless we’ve walked in another’s shoes. If we haven’t, we must elect others who have.
There is not one right way to overcome obstacles. Each woman faced roadblocks and each took a different path to overcome them. Turning the other cheek, addressing it head on, forming alliances. One thing was common to all – the willingness to try. Over and over we heard: They told me I couldn’t and that only made me try harder.
We care about who these candidates are as people. Their strengths, values, purpose. While we want to know their stand on the issues, as I listened I also thought: Tell me your story and I’ll give you my hand…and very often my vote.
Finally, there is no substitute for women supporting other women. They can only jump high if they have both a springboard and a safety net! Each of us must continue providing our support however and wherever we can.
https://www.nytimes.com/2018/11/03/us/politics/women-activism-midterms.html
https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2018/11/09/us/women-elected-midterm-elections.html
https://www.nytimes.com/2018/04/03/us/politics/women-campaign-managers-midterms.html
… information, that is! I’ve rarely read a great (or even really good) article on management that I haven’t kept. In the early days it was in file folders and 3-ring binders. Now, it’s mostly digital. And like all hoarders, sometimes I have to clean up.
Last week I attacked a large binder full of articles. I threw out most of them, but a few gems remained. I’d like to share one written by Dr. Adele Scheele for the now-defunct magazine “Working Woman:” The Top 10 Questions you need to ask to find out if you’re a Bad Boss.
1) Are my directions usually clear, or do you depend on your co-workers to help figure out what your tasks are?
2) Do I often change my mind and alter your assignments after you’ve already begun?
3) Do I usually edit your work without improving it?
4) Am I usually open to new ideas and innovative plans?
5) Do you think that I’m disappointed in your work?
6) Do I provide constructive feedback?
7) Do you trust me?
8) Do I help develop your skills and promote you?
9) Am I available when you need additional assistance?
10) Do I create or operate in a crisis mode too often?
Dr. Scheele suggested you ask these questions if you have 3 or more direct reports and do it anonymously. Based on my experience, I believe if you have a strong, honest relationship with your employees, you can comfortably ask some, if not all, of the questions directly. Either way these questions have stood the test of time and, for better or worse, encourage me to keep on hoarding!