Sherri's Blog

The other day a manager opened up her laptop and asked me to read an email that upset her.  It was from someone with whom she’d had a recent conflict.  I read it and was puzzled.  I didn’t see what was upsetting in either the language or the request. After we talked it through, she agreed.  This was, unfortunately, after she had already sent an aggressive response.

She, of course, is not alone in her reaction or her response.  In a popular communication study Albert Mehrabian noted that words alone have significantly less impact (7%) than tonality and nonverbal behavior (38% and 55% respectively) in delivering our feelings and attitudes.

So since it’s almost impossible to read emotions in emails (emoticons really aren’t enough), we project our own feelings onto them and sometimes get it wrong.

How can you avoid this in the future?  One way is to follow “The 24-Hour Rule.”

Unless the building is burning or someone is hurt, wait 24 hours to respond to requests that feel charged and/or especially significant.  This works for almost everyone.  If you’ve got an over-sized sense of urgency or responsibility, it slows you down. It gives you a chance to consider what the sender might really be saying – not what it feels like at first glance – and what would be the most effective response. On the other hand, if you tend be cautious and analytical, it speeds you up (which can be good), but it still provides you with a “thinking buffer.”

In either case, it’s surprising what a difference a day makes – in your perspective, in your emotions, in your response – and usually for the better!

A few months ago a manager said to me, “I’m saving my positive feedback for work that goes above and beyond.  Why praise for doing well on day-to-day tasks?  It’s their job after all!”

This was not first time I’d heard this so I had my answers ready.  I showed him the Gallup research that linked praise for good work to a strong and productive workplace.  We discussed the importance of reinforcing what works so it will continue and how individuals appreciate the praise because it shows the manager is paying attention.

I reminded him about tailoring the type and amount of praise to individual, and then I suggested this guideline that an HR VP once shared with me:

Give positive feedback for good performance on the job.  Give monetary rewards (bonus, raise, stock) for going above and beyond.

The manager thought about it and agreed it made sense.  It would allow him to use his limited pool of money where it would have the most impact and still provide encouragement.

When I checked back with him to see how his new plan was going, he said he had noticed increased enthusiasm and productivity.  And he said he felt more connected to his employees. So, it turns out that by following this guideline everyone wins – the employees, the manager, and the company.

The other day at dinner my friend reminded me that her son, David, loved it when I made up stories for him.  He was always the hero and usually he had a cape and super powers.  Not surprisingly stories worked magic on a 3 year old, but I’ve come to realize they work at all ages.

We know instinctively that stories motivate and provide direction, and leadership research supports this.  Classes are devoted to helping leaders tell their personal stories and develop ones about their group’s mission and purpose.

I want to encourage you as managers and leaders to use stories, of all kinds, as an ongoing source of inspiration for yourself and others.

The keys to this?  Notice, note, and share!

Notice – pay attention to what the people around you are doing – what’s working well, what’s creative, funny, exciting, innovative.  Observe your leaders, employees, peers, and customers.

Note – jot down what you notice in a place and format that work for you.

Share – look for every opportunity to communicate using your observations – they are simply, at their essence, very short stories. When you lead a meeting (1:1’s, routine staff meetings, all-hands sessions), check your notes. Find a story to tell.  When you make a presentation, find a story. If you post an internal document, on a Wiki for example, use a story. And of course social media provides endless opportunities to share your stories and forward others.  

And the best stories are ones about people making a big difference in some way, being heroes. These were kind of stories David enjoyed most.  I guarantee your people will too!

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome aboard!  Please turn your attention to the flight attendant nearest you for our safety demonstration. Please follow along with the safety placard located in the seat pocket in front of you.

When I was on a plane recently, I actually listened to the pre-flight speech.  It helped that is was Southwest, and the flight attendant was rapping, but it really was nice to be welcomed enthusiastically and to be reminded of the dos and don’ts and that my safety is important.

And it made me think about how we bring people onboard our teams.

I recently heard that in the first 90 days 70-75% of people decide how long they’re going to stay with a new company.  While you can’t get off the plane, your new hires can get off your team.  This makes your informal onboarding even more important than your formal orientation. So here are some questions to ask yourself about your onboarding process.

–  Do you and your team members enthusiastically welcome new hires? 
–  As a manager, do you take time to explain your expectations, your do’s and don’ts? 
–  Do you try to make new hires feel “safe” – letting them know where to find resources they need and making yourself available if they can’t? 
–  Are you helping them connect with key people in the organization? 
–  Are you making them feel confident in their decision by giving them the work they came to do and listening to what they hope to accomplish in the role?

And this brings me to the closing statement that flight attendant gave: We know you have many choices when you fly. Thank you for flying with us.  The kind of people you want to hire, the great ones, have choices too. So taking the time to thank them for joining is a smart idea!

I’m working with a manager who’s just been promoted.  She now has a team of 12, and she’s struggling with the transition from team member to team leader.  I asked her to list all the things that got in the way of her embracing her new role.  The list included things you might expect, like not enough time and very little instant gratification.  But the biggest “aha?”   She didn’t know what she could add.  In her eyes the best managers just stayed out of the way.

As we talked I was reminded of Ram Charan’s book “The Leadership Pipeline. “ It explains the transitions individuals go through as they progress in management.  For this first transition, he says something very wise:  Managers need to learn to value managerial work* rather than just tolerate it!

I began to wonder how many managers are just tolerating their role.  And if you are one of them, what can you do about it?

On one extreme, you can stop being a manager.  That’s a valid choice.  But since I’m guessing that’s unrealistic for most people, here’s another suggestion.

Ask yourself why you are tolerating not embracing the role.  List everything that gets in your way – from your beliefs about a manager’s role, to your skills, to your organization’s constraints. Then figure out what can you change and how can you change it.  If it’s your beliefs, who among your peers can you go to for a reality check? If it’s skills, where can you get coaching or training?  And so on. Then commit to changing at least 2-3 things to start with.

If you do this, I believe you’ll feel more engaged with your work and your increased enthusiasm and energy will help your employees feel that way too.  In addition, it will allow you to turn your attention to the work that adds value to your organization – growing and developing your people and planning for their future and the team’s.

* Charan defines first level management work as planning, job design, selection, delegation, coaching and feedback, performance monitoring and measuring, rewards and motivation, communication and climate setting, relationship building throughout organization, and resource acquisition.