Sherri's Blog

I know a lot of successful managers.  I’ve coached them, facilitated their meetings, and trained them in classrooms all over the world.  While many things distinguish them one from the other, there’s one thing that has always impressed me:  their kindness.

This kindness manifests in simple ways.  They take the time to say thank you when they’ve enjoyed something or learned something new.  When you email them with a question, they reply right away.  They share ideas and resources.  And while they are kind, they are rarely pushovers.

I want to write about them because not only are they wonderful clients, they are also terrific managers.  I hear this all the time from their direct reports.  It usually sounds something like “He’s not perfect, but he’s responsive and considerate. And that goes a long way with me.”  I agree, and I want to honor their kindness and say thank you — on behalf of myself and their direct reports everywhere!

I’m 5’2” and many years ago I learned this fashion lesson:  One size does NOT fit all.  Salespeople would try to convince me that a sweater would fit everyone, but I was quite sure it wasn’t supposed to come down to my knees.

When I became a manager, I quickly figured out the same principle applied.  I’m sure you know this too, but from time to time I like to use my blog to reconnect with the fundamentals.  This is especially important since it takes time and attention to figure out our direct report’s individual needs, and sometimes we just get too busy to remember to do it!

We’ve all learned to be specific when giving feedback, but do you take the time to think about how many examples and what level of detail a particular individual needs? Do you notice how an individual responds to your emails? Does your tone shut them down or open them up? Does your direct report thrive on public recognition or do they prefer private praise? The list goes on.

So I’m asking you to re-commit to managing your direct reports in ways that match their unique and exact “size.”  There’s a big payoff in motivation, loyalty, connection, and productivity.

Early in my career I managed a terrific team made up of hardworking experts, who were supportive of each other and of me. But there was one exception. He was my training administrator, and he was inconsistent. One day, for example, class set up was perfect, and the next day big pieces were missing. I did what many of us do. I focused on the times that worked, hoping the others were anomalies and would right themselves. Finally I had to have some hard conversations with him, and in the end, I asked him to leave.

What surprised me most was the reaction of my direct reports. To a person they came to me and said, “Thank you. We’ve been waiting for you to fix this problem.”

And, once more, I learned the lesson I teach others … when a manager does not step in early and fix a problem, the people who suffer most are the peers. When a team member does not do their part, their peers often have to do extra work, they can miss their own deadlines, and they can end up delivering lower quality results.

So for the sake of your entire team, the next time you have a performance problem … please don’t delay! They’re waiting.

That’s a favorite line of one of my colleagues.  She uses it to make the point that if you have a poorly performing group, sometimes you need to look no further than the poorly performing boss.

Recently I was reading Daniel Goleman’s book Social Intelligence, and I found another possible meaning for the phrase.  Goleman quotes Australian researchers who found the following:

“Employees recall a boss’s downbeat comments far more often than they do his encouraging words.  And when negative remarks become a preoccupation, the employee’s brain loses mental efficiency.”

Now I’m the last person to say don’t give constructive feedback!  I swear by its importance.

But downbeat remarks can often be the result of a manager’s bad mood. If you’re constantly stressed out or if you’re just plain grumpy, you’re more inclined to focus on what’s wrong or what’s not working – and this will drag down team performance.

While we are human and not always upbeat, as leaders it’s important to maintain a balance and, whenever possible, tip the scales towards the positive.  Research supports it, and your team will benefit.

We all want to retain top talent, but the time may come when your superstars need to move on. It’s right for their careers, for their growth and development. But like the song says, “Breaking up is hard to do.”  Since you desperately want to keep them (for good reasons!), you try everything – money, promotions, new job responsibilities. Sometimes it works; sometimes it doesn’t.

But when it’s really time to go, what would the ideal “break up” conversation sound like?  I checked in with some superstars who moved on (a few of whom subsequently returned), and this is what I heard…

The manager should first ask why the individual wants to leave. After listening carefully, the manager should acknowledge these reasons, and then tell the employee why he wants them to stay and why he values them.

The manager should continue by asking if there is anything – anything at all – that can be done to keep the employee.  If there is nothing, the manager should tell the employee they will be missed, wish them well, and make it clear that if for any reason they want to return, please call!

At this point, when goodbye is for real, the background music changes to “I’ll Be Around.” And you will, because these individuals are that good, and you’ll always find a place for them in your organization.