Sherri's Blog

From time to time I’ll use my blog to share management stories entitled “Truth is Stranger Than Fiction.”  They are cautionary tales of what not to do!  Here’s the first in what will be a regular feature.

In two consecutive staff meetings, my friend’s manager criticized her.  The manager complained that my friend was not flexible enough. “When new requests come up,” he said, “you need to find a way to do them immediately and still finish the other work on your plate.”

My friend was angry because she did not see this as a legitimate complaint.  She had urgent projects of greater importance to complete (ones sanctioned by her manager), and she had made judgment calls regarding what to do first.  

She was also unhappy about being singled out in front of her peers.  So she met with her manager.  “I’m concerned you don’t think I’m doing a good job,” she said, “and it was hard for me to hear that for the first time in a staff meeting.”

Now here’s the response that stunned her when she heard it …

“Oh,” her manager said. “I wasn’t talking about you.  I don’t think Bill (another team member) is being flexible, and he isn’t taking on enough new projects.  I wanted to make the point so he’d hear how important it was and change his behavior.  Don’t worry. You’re fine.”

In a recent Communication Skills workshop, several participants questioned their capacity for empathy.  Were they capable of truly “walking in someone else’s shoes,” relating fully to the experiences and feelings of another?  After a lively discussion, they decided they didn’t need to have the exact same experience, but by taking small steps (e.g., listening without judgment, acknowledging the other person’s feelings), they could move in the right direction.  

This made me think about how we usually focus on our capacity to GIVE empathy, but as managers how do you GET your employee’s empathy?  And, in particular, how do you develop a relationship where you are understood and accepted even when you falter?

I began looking around for respected leaders who have this type of connection with their employees.

Robert, the CEO of a small software company came to mind. His self-confidence and considerable skills combined with transparency and vulnerability create a strong bond between him and his people.   

He never hides his missteps or the struggles he has had getting to the top.  He openly discusses the VC pitches that failed, the project launches that crashed, and he never hides a poor decision behind a wall of excuses.

His employees know they are being managed by a human being.  When he makes a mistake, they do what he does with them – they listen, show their genuine concern, do not blame, and get to the business of finding a solution.

His employees know he’s walked in their shoes, and they are able — and happy — to walk in his.

Frequently when I gather feedback about someone I am coaching, I hear “He needs to take more ownership.”

On the flip side, when I present this feedback, many clients respond: “I agree.  And my manager needs to let me.  I feel like I have to check everything with him!”

Clearly this is a classic give and take.  Managers need to give it and employees need to step up and take it.

But let’s define what we mean here.  When managers talk about wanting employees to take ownership, my understanding is that they want them to:

–  Make considered decisions and stand by them
–  Meet commitments
–  Look for new ways of thinking about existing problems
–  See the big picture/interconnections
–  Think ahead about what needs to happen in their area.

And while their direct reports know these are all important, from their perspective, ownership means one thing:  Having responsibility and authority to make decisions!

Research and experience support the fact that empowering employees to make decisions is a basic building block of motivation, and we all want a motivated workforce.

In addition, the pressure to produce is strong and seemingly unceasing.  Managers know they can’t do it all.  Even ones who want to eventually come up against the limits to their capabilities.  

Finally managers become a stumbling block to growth if all decisions have to go through them.

So delegating ownership of decisions makes good business sense.

Now, I’m not suggesting a wholesale give away of decision making!  Certainly, the kind and amount of decisions you delegate must match the task and employee’s experience and abilities.

But if you’re among the managers who want to see more ownership, ask yourself: What can I do to encourage it and where might I be a roadblock?

The old adage “Give and ye shall receive” has never been more relevant!

I’m surprised how many managers think they must figure out – all by themselves – what their direct reports need from them.  They believe they should be mind readers or just super intuitive.  But it’s really so much easier.  

All you have to do is ask!

I’ve also noticed that sometimes managers don’t inquire because they believe it obligates them to do everything that’s asked of them.  Not so.  If you’re clear that you can’t promise to do it all and you say what you can do, nothing should stop you from asking!

And if all you ask is the simple question “what do you need from me,” you’re on the right track.

But why stop there?   I’m sure there are lots of specific things you’d like to know.

I polled managers and colleagues for questions they use and like … ones that get them good information about how people want to be treated at work and what they need.  Here’s what I heard, in two general categories.  

Which ones will you try?

Overall Questions
– What is going well/not well for you in your role?
– What do you expect from me as your manager?
– What do you appreciate/not appreciate about my management style?
– What did you like about the best manager you ever had?
– What motivates you in your current role?  
– What makes you enthusiastic about work overall?
– What are your “hot buttons?” (i.e., things that upset you)
– What do you want me to do more of/less of/the same?

Specific Questions
– How do you like to receive feedback?
– What’s the best way to communicate with you?
– When you’ve done something great, what’s the best way to show my appreciation?
– How often would you like to meet with me?
– What kind of information do you need from me?  In what format? How often?
– How can I support your development – in this role and beyond?

Do I have your attention?  Yes?  Well, I hate to disappoint you, but “falling in love” is not the topic of this entry!  I chose the title since “getting attention” is the subject, and I want to share a cautionary tale about what one employee had to do to get it …

The employee, let’s call him Kevin, was a star performer.  His manager, we’ll call her Susan, subscribed to the theory that your best folks just want to be left alone.  At the start of the year, Susan worked with Kevin to set goals and priorities and then let him decide how to reach them, which Kevin appreciated.  Since Kevin was proactive about coming to her if he needed anything, Susan often cancelled their bi-weekly 1:1 meetings.  She thought her time would be better spent with some of his peers who were struggling.  She figured he knew how much she appreciated him (he’d just gotten a promotion) so she kept her positive feedback to a minimum.  Why embarrass him with too much praise?  She certainly didn’t want him to leave his current role so she avoided career development conversations.  

And Kevin kept on producing great work, although the pace had slowed a bit, and he wasn’t as “lively” as usual in meetings.  Susan didn’t want to de-motivate him by bringing it up.  Then one day Kevin showed up with a job offer from a competitor!  This was clearly his way of finally getting Susan’s attention … extreme, perhaps, uncommon, no.

Well, maybe “falling in love” is the topic of this entry after all … because when you fall in love, you praise your partner, you make time for them, you’re curious about what they want and what’s happening in their lives.  And when you don’t do these things, they find a way to get your attention … just like your employees will!    

So, in the New Year, make a resolution to pay attention to the people who work for you – all of them, and especially the ones you “love” the most!

(In my next blog entry, I’ll write about ways to learn how much and what kind of attention your direct reports need.)