Sherri's Blog

Last May I wrote about the wisdom of the ever-present, often-ignored airline safety announcement and the power of welcoming people onboard.  Waiting to take off recently, I listened once again.  This time I was struck by this part of the message:

Please make sure to secure your own mask before assisting others.

This is not a selfish act.  While it is different for each of you, you know how it feels and how you behave when you ignore your own needs for the sake of others.  As a manager, if you don’t take care of yourself, you can’t effectively help your team.

So what are some things you can do on the job to make sure you’re in best shape you can be?

•    Attend to your own growth.
Identify development goals and some assignments, projects, and training that will help you meet them. Share where you want to go and enlist people who can support you.  Set some targets and work toward them.

•    Get feedback.
Let people know what you are working to improve and ask them to tell you how you’re doing.  Also ask people what you do well and focus on increasing those strengths.

•    Identify what you find most satisfying about your job.
Ask yourself if you’re doing enough of those things.  What’s missing that would make the day better?  For some people it’s planning time.  For others it’s an uninterrupted conversation with a direct report. Whatever it is make it happen.

The reason to do these things is simple and powerful.  If you’re “out of breath,” you cannot give your best to your team and your business.  And isn’t that what we all want this New Year!

I was having lunch with a director I’ve worked with for years, and she looked almost serene.  Not exactly the look I see on the face of most managers in Silicon Valley.  Intrigued, I asked her what was up.  She smiled and said, “I finally have my organization fully staffed.”  She described what’s happening in her organization and what it’s like to work there now.  She summed it up as “Relatively unstressed folks who get along with each other are doing good work.”

After lunch, I had a meeting with another manager.  As we were finishing, he asked “So, how do I know when I’ve got enough people on my team?” I thought about what produced the happy glow on the director’s face and suggested he’ll know when he sees these signs:

•    His group’s success metrics are being met consistently
•    His employees are not working excessive hours.
•    Things that used to be broken are fixed.  This includes products, processes, and relationships.  
•    His employees’ attitude about work is generally positive, and when people do complain it’s focused on solving real problems not vague grumbling.

While there are other indications, I’ve found that these are a good place to start when evaluating the question of full staffing.  And, of course, once you’ve reached your magic number you can count on things changing!  But that’s ok, because if you did it once, you can do it again – watching all the while for these signs you’re there.

For many years I was on the board of a non-profit organization in whose mission I strongly believe.  I raised money, facilitated retreats, coached employees, and helped in any way I could.  It was at the last retreat that I realized it was time to go.  The concerns being raised were all too familiar to me.  My passion for finding the right answers had waned.  I looked around at the fire in the eyes of the other board members, and I realized I just didn’t have it any more.  While it wasn’t an easy decision, in the end I resigned.  

I know plenty of managers in this position. Nothing catastrophic has happened.  It’s just that the thrill is gone.  If this describes you, what are your options?

You can leave and find a job in a new company.  While this entails the biggest risk, it also provides the biggest change. You can find a new job in your current company – most often this is a lateral move, but maybe it’s time to push for that promotion. You can take on new challenges in your current role.  Or you can take an education break – full time or part time to learn totally new skills or ramp up existing ones.

Use your personal and professional network to explore your next steps.  If you don’t have a strong network, this is the time to build one.  Talk with people you trust at work about what you’re experiencing and what options might exist.

The most important thing is to do something!   Your lack of enthusiasm “leaks” – others around you feel it, and your performance may suffer.  Don’t ignore the signals that it’s time for a change.  The thrill may be gone, but you’ve got it in your power to get it back – one way or another.

If my clients share one thing, it’s a feeling of overwhelm.  The demand on their time and their talent is relentless.  There’s the pressure to spend time with people who need them – boss, peers, direct reports, customers.   There’s the question of where to put their energy and focus.  The here-and-now?  The future?  How do they decide which meetings to attend and which ones to skip?  It can all seem endless.

While I can’t give a complete solution in a short blog, I want to offer something many of my most successful clients do.

First, they identify a very short list of key people and actions they want to focus on.  Here’s one client’s list:

–  Discuss career development with each of her direct reports
–  Stay in touch with key stakeholders in the company’s headquarters
–  Review the team’s top priorities and how they’re progressing
–  Brainstorm/read/even daydream about the team’s future direction
–  Meet with her boss to listen to his concerns and issues – not to share her own
–  Praise someone on the team for good work

Your list may be different, and, yes, there are many other things she has to do. However, the things on this list ground her, and they have become sacrosanct.  How does she make them so?  She uses her calendar.

For example, she schedules a quarterly meeting with each of her direct reports to discuss their development, she goes to lunch with her boss every month just to listen, she schedules 2 hours a month for herself to review team priorities and progress, and every Monday her calendar says “look for something good this week and share it.”

Of course, this only works because she allows absolutely nothing to shift these commitments.  I challenge you to try this.  Come up with your own short list and for the next 3 months honor it.  If it works, keep going.  All you’ve got to lose is your overwhelm!

The other day a manager opened up her laptop and asked me to read an email that upset her.  It was from someone with whom she’d had a recent conflict.  I read it and was puzzled.  I didn’t see what was upsetting in either the language or the request. After we talked it through, she agreed.  This was, unfortunately, after she had already sent an aggressive response.

She, of course, is not alone in her reaction or her response.  In a popular communication study Albert Mehrabian noted that words alone have significantly less impact (7%) than tonality and nonverbal behavior (38% and 55% respectively) in delivering our feelings and attitudes.

So since it’s almost impossible to read emotions in emails (emoticons really aren’t enough), we project our own feelings onto them and sometimes get it wrong.

How can you avoid this in the future?  One way is to follow “The 24-Hour Rule.”

Unless the building is burning or someone is hurt, wait 24 hours to respond to requests that feel charged and/or especially significant.  This works for almost everyone.  If you’ve got an over-sized sense of urgency or responsibility, it slows you down. It gives you a chance to consider what the sender might really be saying – not what it feels like at first glance – and what would be the most effective response. On the other hand, if you tend be cautious and analytical, it speeds you up (which can be good), but it still provides you with a “thinking buffer.”

In either case, it’s surprising what a difference a day makes – in your perspective, in your emotions, in your response – and usually for the better!